Is Flirting Cheating? Why People Disagree, With Numbers

It was at a party, or on a work trip, or in the comments under a photo. Your partner laughed a bit too long, touched an arm, sent a winking emoji to someone who isn't you. Later they said, "Come on, it's just flirting. It doesn't mean anything." Maybe they're right. You still felt it.

You're not overreacting for asking the question. You're asking the one question on which people disagree most.

Short answer: Sometimes. Flirting is the most divided behavior in every survey on cheating: 55% of Americans called it cheating in 2022, but only 26% of Britons in 2026, where half said it was "not harmless, but not cheating". It crosses the line for most people when it's directed at one person, repeated, hidden, sexual, or when your partner acts single. A one-off moment of charm, out in the open, usually doesn't.

This page shows what the numbers say and why they vary so much, why two partners can both be sincere, a simple scale from friendliness to flirting that counts, what changes online and in a marriage, what to do if your partner flirts (or if you do), and how to settle it between the two of you.

What the surveys say

Six surveys asked about flirting in some form. The spread of answers is the story.

United States, 2022: 55%. YouGov asked 2,000 US adults in September 2022. 55% said flirting is cheating (52% of men, 57% of women). Of the ten behaviors tested, only sharing private thoughts scored lower.

United States, 2017: 51% always, 31% sometimes. The Deseret News survey fielded by YouGov (1,000 adults) asked about flirtatious messages. 51% said always cheating, 31% sometimes, 18% never. The gap between women (59% always) and men (42%) was one of the widest in the survey.

United States, 2019: 42%. The iFidelity survey of 2,000 adults found 42% considered flirting with someone other than a spouse to be infidelity.

Great Britain, 2026: 26%. YouGov's Big Survey on Relationships (1,882 adults, July 2026) found 26% calling flirting cheating, 50% "not harmless, but not cheating", and 17% harmless. Young adults were much stricter: 45% of those aged 18 to 29 said cheating, against 20% to 27% of older groups.

Single Americans, 2025: an even split. The Kinsey Institute and DatingAdvice.com found singles "almost evenly split" on whether flirting counts.

United States, 2026: 41% for a flirty text thread. In Talker Research's survey of 2,000 Americans (July 2026), "keeping an ongoing flirtatious text conversation with someone" topped the list of behaviors called cheating, at 41%.

Why such different numbers? Partly the country. Partly the wording: "flirting" sounds lighter than "flirtatious messages", and an "ongoing conversation" sounds like a relationship. And partly the answer options: when YouGov offered a middle answer in 2026, half the country took it. The honest summary is that roughly half of people think flirting can be cheating, and very few think it's always harmless.

Why you and your partner can both be sincere

Most pages on this question stop at "it's subjective". The research explains why it's subjective, and it's worth knowing before you argue about it.

We judge ourselves more gently than our partners. In a 2016 study of 810 adults published in the Journal of Relationships Research, Ashley Thompson and Lucia O'Sullivan found that people rated their own behavior more permissively than the same behavior from their partner. The gap appeared only for emotional and affectionate behaviors and for online ones, which is exactly where flirting lives. Many participants had also done things they themselves classed as infidelity.

Flirty messages rate high, with a wide spread. In the same researchers' assessment of infidelity judgments, sending flirtatious messages averaged 5.39 on a 1 to 7 scale of unfaithfulness, as social psychologist Theresa DiDonato summarized it in Psychology Today. That's "mostly cheating" on average, with a lot of people far from the average in both directions.

Your attachment style colors the verdict. A 2013 study of about 450 students (Kruger and colleagues, Evolutionary Psychology) found that people with more attachment anxiety judged ambiguous behaviors as unfaithful more often, while more avoidant people judged them as harmless.

So when one of you says "it was nothing" and the other says "it was a betrayal", it's possible neither is lying. You may be standing on opposite sides of a gap that shows up in the data, which is why describing the behavior works better than debating the word.

A scale: when does flirting become cheating?

Since the word "flirting" covers so much, it helps to split it into steps.

Friendliness and charm. Warmth, humor, compliments with no agenda, the same with everyone. Not flirting in most people's eyes, and not cheating.

A one-off flirtatious moment. Playful banter with a stranger at a bar, a bit of attention enjoyed, nothing pursued. This is the "harmless flirting" half of Britain had in mind. Many couples tolerate it, some don't.

Flirting directed at one person, repeatedly. The same coworker, the same friend, the same account online. Now it's attention invested, not a moment. This is where most of the survey "yes" answers live, and where it overlaps with micro cheating.

Flirting with secrecy or intent. Deleted messages, hiding the relationship, flirting that's going somewhere. Healthline's experts list not disclosing an existing relationship, and deleting or muting messages, among the clearest warning signs.

Sexual flirting. Once it turns explicit, it's no longer the flirting question. It's whether sexting is cheating, and 83% of Americans say yes to that.

Say your partner jokes with the barista every morning, in front of you, the same way they joke with everyone. That's the first step. Say they text one barista every evening, and you only learn her name by accident. That's the fourth.

Is online flirting cheating?

Online flirting feels lighter to the person doing it and heavier to the partner who finds it, mostly because it's written down, private by default and can go on all day.

The usual forms are comments on one person's photos, reacting to their stories, private messages with compliments and emojis, and long chat threads. Talker's 2026 survey put sending heart emojis, compliments or inside jokes in a romantic way at 33%, and the ongoing flirty text thread at 41%, both higher than Britain's 26% for flirting in general. Writing it down seems to make it count more.

Likes sit at the mild end of this. We look at them in detail in is liking pictures cheating.

Flirting on a dating app is a different question

Flirting with someone you met on a dating app while in a relationship is not really a flirting question anymore. To be there, your partner has a profile that says they're available. In the 2017 Deseret News survey, 63% of Americans said actively maintaining an online dating profile is always cheating, and in Britain in 2026, 80% called using a dating app while in a relationship cheating, far above the 26% for flirting. We go through those numbers in is being on a dating app cheating.

That's also the one version of this worry you can check. CheatEye searches Tinder from a first name, an age, a gender and a city, with an optional photo, and can add Bumble, Hinge, Happn and OkCupid. If a profile is found, the report shows the bio, the photos, the last activity, the Tinder subscription and the last location used, and your partner isn't notified. It doesn't read messages, search by phone number or email, or show a live location, so it can't tell you who they're flirting with. A profile is a fact to talk about, and it may be old.

Check whether they have a dating profile

Is flirting cheating when you're married?

The question is the same, the stakes are higher. Marriage vows don't usually mention flirting, but many people hear "forsaking all others" as covering more than sex. Married couples have also had more time to drift into unspoken assumptions, so one spouse can sincerely think flirting is harmless while the other sincerely sees it as betrayal.

The iFidelity data adds a reason to take it seriously in a marriage. In the Institute for Family Studies' 2024 analysis, flirting with someone other than a spouse was one of only three behaviors that predicted an emotional affair, along with following an old flame online and porn use, even though fewer than half of respondents considered flirting infidelity. Most flirting goes nowhere. Some of it is how emotional cheating begins.

If your partner is flirting with someone else

Finding out is uncomfortable whether it was a comment thread or a look across the room. A few things tend to help more than an immediate verdict.

Write down what you actually saw. Who, how often, where, and whether it was hidden. "Laughed with a stranger once" and "messages the same coworker late every night" call for different conversations.

Bring it up when you're both able to talk. Not in the car home from the party, not by forwarding screenshots at midnight. Say what you saw and how it landed: "When you kept texting her during dinner, I felt pushed aside."

Listen for how they respond, not just what they say. Surprise and a willingness to adjust is a good sign. Mockery ("you're being crazy"), anger at being asked, or a sudden new password tell you more than the flirting did.

Agree on something specific, then watch whether it holds. A boundary you set and then quietly drop teaches both of you that it wasn't real. If it keeps happening after you've agreed, the question is no longer about flirting.

Get outside help if you're stuck. A couples counselor is useful when you keep having the same argument, or when the flirting seems to be standing in for something missing between you.

If you're the one flirting: a quick test

Some readers land here because they're wondering about themselves. Four questions sort it out faster than any survey.

Would you show your partner the whole conversation? Not a summary, the thread itself. If the answer is no, you already know which side of the line it's on.

Is it one person? General playfulness is a personality. Seeking out the same person is a direction.

Do you look forward to it more than to time with your partner? That's the drift that experts describe as the slide toward emotional cheating.

Would you be fine if they did exactly the same? Thompson and O'Sullivan's finding cuts both ways. If you'd be hurt in their place, you have your answer.

How to settle it as a couple

Start from the fact that you might both be normal. Roughly half of people think flirting can be cheating. If you disagree, neither of you is unreasonable.

Describe the specific thing. "Texting Leo every night with heart emojis" is something you can discuss. "Flirting" is a word you'll argue about.

Ask where on the scale it is for each of you. Many couples find they agree on the extremes and only disagree on one step, often the repeated flirting with one person.

Agree on a rule you can both picture. For example: banter is fine, private messages with someone you're attracted to aren't. Or: anything you wouldn't do in front of me.

Revisit it. What felt fine at three months may not at three years.

Our 70 "is it cheating if" questions are a good way to compare where you each stand, and what is cheating in a relationship covers the definitions. If what happened went past flirting, see is kissing cheating.

Frequently asked questions

Is flirting cheating, yes or no? There's no universal yes or no. 55% of Americans said yes in 2022, 26% of Britons in 2026. It usually counts when it's repeated, aimed at one person, hidden or sexual.

Is flirting cheating in a relationship? It depends on your agreement. Most people accept friendly charm and object to flirting directed at one person or kept secret.

Is flirting cheating when married? Many spouses consider it a breach even when the vows don't mention it, and flirting was one of the behaviors that predicted an emotional affair in a 2019 US survey.

Is online flirting cheating? Often more than in person, because it's private and ongoing. An ongoing flirty text thread was the behavior most Americans called cheating in 2026 (41%).

Is harmless flirting a thing? For half of British adults in 2026, flirting was "not harmless, but not cheating", and 17% called it harmless. Harmless for one partner may not be harmless for the other.

What counts as flirting? Attention with a romantic or sexual undertone: suggestive compliments, teasing, lingering touch, emojis and messages meant to attract. General friendliness usually doesn't count.

Is it OK to flirt while married? Only if you've both said so. Some couples are comfortable with light, open banter. If you've never discussed it, assume your spouse has a stricter line than you do: people tend to judge their partner's flirting more harshly than their own.

Is flirting emotional cheating? Not on its own. It becomes emotional cheating when one person turns into a source of attention, intimacy or support that your partner no longer gets, especially if it's hidden.

Is flirting a red flag? A single flirtatious moment isn't. Flirting that's repeated with one person, kept secret, or defended with anger when you raise it is worth taking seriously.

Is flirting cheating in the Bible? The Bible doesn't mention flirting. Christians who see it as a sin usually point to Matthew 5:28, where looking at someone "to lust after her" is described as adultery "in his heart". The verse is about intent, not friendliness.

Sources

• YouGov, "How many Americans have cheated on their partners in monogamous relationships?": United States, 2,000 adults, 15 to 22 September 2022.

• Deseret News, "Adultery in the Digital Age", fielded by YouGov: United States, 1,000 adults, March 2017.

• iFidelity Survey, fielded by YouGov: United States, 2,000 adults, late 2019, analyzed by the Institute for Family Studies (2024).

• YouGov, Big Survey on Relationships, section 4: Great Britain, 1,882 adults, 9 and 10 July 2026.

• Kinsey Institute and DatingAdvice.com, reported by Psychology Today on 26 August 2025: 2,000 single US adults.

• Talker Research, "Americans reveal what counts as cheating in 2026": United States, 2,000 adults, 1 to 6 July 2026. Full method not published.

• Healthline, "Is Flirting Cheating?", by Gabrielle Kassel, 2019.

• Thompson, A. E., and O'Sullivan, L. F., "I Can But You Can't: Inconsistencies in Judgments of and Experiences With Infidelity", Journal of Relationships Research, vol. 7, 2016: 810 adults.

• Thompson, A. E., and O'Sullivan, L. F., "Drawing the Line", The Journal of Sex Research, 53(8), 2016, as summarized by Theresa E. DiDonato, "Should Flirting Really Count as Cheating?", Psychology Today, updated July 2024.

• Kruger, D. J., and colleagues, "Was That Cheating? Perceptions Vary by Sex, Attachment Anxiety, and Behavior", Evolutionary Psychology, 11(1), 2013.